.: I began life as a zygote, or, at the very least, as a comparatively smaller collection of atoms than what comprises my physical existence today. I managed to ensnare additional molecules and place them under the ruthless dominion of my being, and over time I became what I am today: a complex repository of carbon, oxygen, nitrogen, hydrogen, sodium, calcium, phosphorous, sulfur, potassium, manganese, iron, zinc, and several other elements. Although many other clusters throughout the galaxy contain roughly the same mass and proportion of these materials, none of them are organized quite the way mine are, and that makes me feel not only good about myself but also inherently superior.
.: I am the youngest child of four and by many accounts the most successful — this despite not having actually accomplished anything. I grew up in two separate households for the first decade or so of my life and escaped the experience with numerous stories of varying hilarity. When I was five months old, my father divorced my mother to marry another woman who divorced her husband who eventually married my mother. This impacted each child differently. (For instance, my sister’s understanding was that all divorces involved remarriage between the two parties, while I grew up without ever acquiring a working definition of “normal.”)
.: I went to three different high schools in four years, and my freshman and senior years were spent at the same high school. I start my junior year at Baylor this fall, where I may or may not be arrested before graduation. I’m not known for doing bad or illegal things, which can mean two different things if read properly, and I’m generally considered to be a nice guy.
.: Most of my day goes unused, especially during the summer when I am working. I read a lot, which, thanks to the inconsistent conventions of the English language, does not mean what I want it to mean. I shall have to rewrite the sentence to include what should be a redundancy: I read a lot in the past.
.: I’m a student of biology and chemistry, but not physics. I find science in general and evolution in particular to be more fascinating than any other academic subject in the world, which is a pretty foolish claim since I’m not familiar with the vast majority of other subjects.
.: I threatened to burn my neuroscience professor at the stake and for my troubles received an A in the course. The semester after that I scored my lowest GPA yet and was rewarded with an additional scholarship. I am the only student I know of who is simultaneously on academic probation and the Dean’s List.
.: I will suffer fools quietly but complain at great length once they leave. I’ve been known to wrestle cripples (and win). I see no point in making one’s bed. I tend to walk in straight lines. I photoshop with a track pad. I collect root beer bottles. I get frequent cold sores. I use pens on crossword puzzles.
.: I am exceedingly ticklish.