Posted By Caulimovirus on August 6, 2011
July 30th, 2010
Dropped off the boys.
.: The primary reason for the road trip to Texas was Larry and Melissa’s wedding (see July 31st, 2010). The secondary reason was delivering my two dachshunds, Jules and Larry (no relation), back to my mom’s. I brought them to Jersey to keep me company, and I took damn good care of them. So much so that when I moved to my new apartment on the second floor and saw Larry take a terrifying dive down the stairs, I knew I couldn’t keep them there; the house just wasn’t safe for them. The outside was not much better, with Larry tussling with a possum and some mysterious creature under the shed in the same week.
.: So, I took them back to my mom’s, where their health was further endangered by lack of activity and excessive caloric intake. D’oh.
July 31st, 2010
Wedding of Larry & Melissa. Dance off. Holly made Oscar unable to respond. No Jade, Ryatt, or Gigi.
.: We arrived late to the wedding; violins were already playing as family of the bride and groom strolled down the aisle. Not wanting to interrupt the procession, Holly and I found seats in the balcony behind the main seating area. As with all midsummer afternoon outdoor Texas wedding ceremonies, this one was short. Larry and Melissa accepted each others’ end user license agreements, and I got to introduce everybody to Holly as they walked beneath the balcony on their way out. High fives were had.
.: Sadly, Gigi couldn’t make it ’cause she’s poor, Jade couldn’t make it because she found a butterfly that was just too fast, and Ryatt — here I speculate — likely didn’t come for the same reason why Oscar didn’t sit at the table with two certain guests (the result of recent drama of which I was entirely ignorant throughout the evening).
.: As dinner was winding down and people were leaving the table, Oscar joined us and started being Oscar. Holly, knowing of Oscar and my special arrangement in the universe but never before witnessing it, was not long provoked before she inserted various flower petals into Oscar’s mouth. I forget exactly the circumstances leading up to the event, but I do remember it being the only appropriate course of action. This stunt quickly endeared her to the rest of the table.
.: After dinner, Larry and Melissa performed their first dance as joint checking account holders. The dance floor was then opened to the rest of the guests, but nobody seemed eager or willing to dance to Daft Punk. I had to do something:
August 1st, 2010
Lunch at Starseeds w/ Travis, Kiera, Amy, Joe, Oscar & Holly. Culver arrived too late. Whose foods w/ Culver. Misunderstanding w/ Holly, Curb, & Oscar.
.: Starseeds is my favorite breakfast joint in Austin. It was there that I was introduced to Cholula, the greatest breakfast hot sauce, and it was there that Kiera, Travis, Amy, Joe, and Oscar gathered with Holly and me the morning after the wedding. I forgot everything that was discussed.
.: Before the trip, Holly was worried that she would somehow “interfere” with Oscar and my special arrangement. Something about being perceived as an intruder or something by Oscar. I forgot her exact feelings, but she was worried they wouldn’t get along and we’d all be tense and uneasy the whole time. She was wrong! After Starseeds and a quick Whole Foods expedition with Culver, it was just Oscar with me and her, having a blast. Then, after a nearly perfect day with Holly’s fears revealed to be unfounded, Oscar and I started reenacting one of our favorite scenes from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Unfortunately, Holly’s presence in the front seat and her unfamiliarity with the bit introduced a few structural problems for our reenactment, so Oscar (unwisely) turned to her and said, “Why do you have to be here?” Holly, understandably, took offense and hit him. Unlike Curb, we were able to explain the misunderstanding and resume our best friends forevership.
August 2nd, 2010
Hunter’s expo, tubing the Comal w/ Holly […]. Dinner w/ recently single Coo. So fucking tired.
.: At Hunter’s big technology industry expo, we saw all sorts of robots doing robot things. Holly was unimpressed because knowing how to program a robot to automatically sort M&Ms based on wavelength will do nothing to help people learn to love one another and start treating everyone else with respect. Which is true, I guess. I have to concede that. But I don’t think she saw just how accurate that M&M-sorting robot was.
.: Every summer for most of my childhood my dad would take the family to New Braunfels, and we would go to Schlitterbahn and tube the Comal river. Now that my mom lives right on the river, I can do it pretty much whenever. During the trip I thought Holly wouldn’t be interested in Schlitterbahn (I’ve no idea why I reached that conclusion, but that’s what I thought), so I suggested instead that we simply go tubing. I’m not sure why I never noticed it when I was little, but just about the only thing we saw while tubing was dragonflies fucking.
August 3rd, 2010
Holly meets the grandparents.
.: I wanted Holly to meet my grandmother. I knew they would get along, especially if each of them had a glass of wine in hand. Holly couldn’t believe my grandmother would use a word like “hankering” in earnest. The next morning my grandfather went outside to retrieve the newspaper and noticed two rolls of cornbread on the ground by the trashcan. He spent all morning obsessing over how they could have gotten there. Turns out Holly and my sister got drunk, found the rolls of cornbread in the kitchen, went outside to the trashcan, and put them on the ground. Mystery solved.
August 4th, 2010
Holly’s cousin Ruth. […] Daughters Gabriella and Mia are adorable — friend Ginger not so much. Sheet monster wakes us from nap. Fell asleep on Mia’s bed – she woke me up.
.: Finally we got to do something non-my-family-related. Holly’s cousin Ruth also lives in Houston, and she has two of the most adorable children I’ve seen. Their little friend Ginger, however, sucked. She was the most boring seven year old I’ve seen. All she wanted to do was watch TV — she wouldn’t talk, and she couldn’t even have fun making cupcakes.
.: But the other two kids were able to make up for Ginger’s unadorableness. When Holly and I fell asleep on the bed upstairs, we were awoken by tiny, clumsy footsteps ascending the stairs. I rolled over to see who was coming through the door, and it was the three girls cloaked in a bed sheet trying to wake us up as the Sheet Monster. It was the cutest thing I will ever see.
August 5th, 2010
Morning w/ Ruth, say bye to the girls by walking their feet on the ceiling. “Upside down.” Shipley’s! Drive to Ben in New Orleans. Late night sushi -> early bed Cody.
.: I couldn’t sleep in the same bed as Holly that night, not for rules of morality or decency, but because Holly’s snoring could wake even Oliver Sacks’ patients. I relocated to the leather couch in the living room but was woken up a few hours later by Mia and her father, who spend every morning watching cartoons together. Adorable, yes, but man was I tired.
.: The girls didn’t want us to leave. They had bonded with us and thought we were neat and wouldn’t it be great if we would just stay there forever and do things with them like picking them up by the feet and walking them across the ceiling. Would that I could do that forever!
.: The drive to New Orleans afterwards was a somber one for reasons not transcribed in my diary. Somewhere along I-10, a dog had decided to give up. He picked a spot in the middle of the highway to lie, unaware or uncaring that vehicles several times his size were speeding about him. We swerved to miss him, immediately pulled the car over on the shoulder, and rushed in the middle of the road to stop traffic. I approached the dog cautiously — too cautiously in the mind of an unhelpful motorist who slowed down just long enough to yell, “Pick him up!” at me. The dog was in absolutely miserable shape; I didn’t know if touching his skin would make him turn around to bite me or cause it to come off. You could see why I was hesitant if you weren’t going 65 mph. It started raining, my car wasn’t completely parked on the shoulder, and traffic was beginning to build up behind Holly. I started panicking, which helped me overcome my hesitation, and I picked up the dog and moved him to the shoulder. I didn’t give much thought to the situation after that, other than, “My car’s jutting out in the lane 50 yards ahead, I better go move it.” I couldn’t carry the dog that far without him falling apart, so . . . we just . . . left him. In the rain. Emaciated with no will to live. All he had in his last moments was his collar.