Posted By on April 28, 2005

“I’m Going To Film This”

.: A while back I wrote a story set in college. I didn’t finish it. I had a bad beginning and a great ending, with nothing in between to connect the two. Distraught, I gave up and filed it under my “failed writings” folder, that is until recently. I got this crazy idea. It went a little bit like this:

“The ending can stand alone on its own as a pretty good short story, why not just film that?”

.: And so it came to pass. I have now taken my favorite pieces I’ve ever written and gave it the proper treatment of actually writing it down, and now I’m going to share it with you. It’s called “Hi.”

Different camera angles are denoted by the “[[” and “]]” character. It makes sense, so I won’t waste any more of your time.



[[Starting in the treetops, the camera slowly twists and descends to ground level. We hear the faint sound of a guy talking on cell phone, along with the even fainter sound of the girl on the other end. Things do not sound good. Their voices grow louder and louder until we finally see the guy pacing back and forth in the frame.

.: Maine: What do you mean?

.: Diane: Goodbye, Maine.

The phone beeps twice. Maine stops walking.]]

[[CLOSE-UP of cell phone: “Call Ended.”]]

[[Maine flips the phone closed and walks off frame.]]


[[Maine lies in bed, motionless, staring straight up at the ceiling/camera.]]

[[Maine’s roommate enters the room and turns on the light. The out of focus lump at the bottom of the screen moves and an arm becomes distinguishable. Maine groans.]]

[[Cut to head shot of Maine in bed, miserable and teary-eyed.]]

[[Switch back to shot of roommate standing in the doorway.

.: Roommate: (joking) What’s with you? Get dumped or something?]]

[[Cut back to head shot of Maine, clearly not enjoying himself at the moment.]]

[[The roommate realizes that’s precisely what happened.

.: Roommate: (serious) Oh…]]

[[Maine throws off his blanket and storms out of the room. The camera turns with him but does not follow him outside.

.: Roommate: I didn’t know-

Off screen we hear a hallway door opening followed by foot steps down stairs.

.: Roommate: (cont’d) Where are you going?

.: Maine: (off screen) Driving!

The pounding intro to Oingo Boingo’s “Not My Slave” begins and we cut to…]]


[[Frontal shot of Maine in his car, somewhat excited by what he’s doing.]]

[[CLOSE-UP of odometer: “Trip – 6.8 miles.” The music fades as we dissolve to…]]

[[CLOSE-UP of odometer: “Trip – 183.6 miles.”]]

[[Back to the frontal shot of Maine in his car, bored beyond belief. A small pebble strikes his windshield out of nowhere, surprising Maine and leaving a crack. A few seconds later we hear a tire blow out and the whole car tilts.]]

[[Rear shot of the car pulling off to the side of the road. The front right tire is torn to shreds, but all we see is debris. Maine gets out to inspect the damage. As he’s walking, he steps on something that causes him to yelp.]]

[[Medium shot of Maine sitting on the ground, removing and inspecting his right shoe.]]

[[CLOSE-UP of Maine’s shoe. We see a roofer’s nail jammed all the way through it. Maine pulls it out and holds it in front of his face. Focus shifts from the nail to his expression.]]

[[Back to the rear shot of the car. Maine gets up, limps to the trunk, and pops it open.]]

[[CLOSE-UP of spare tire in the trunk, the words “Drive Under 55 mph” featured prominently at the top of the screen, which dissolves to…]]

[[CLOSE-UP of spare tire, now attached and spinning rapidly.]]

[[CLOSE-UP of speedometer: “80 mph.” Suddenly, brakes are applied and the car slows down. We hear police sirens but see nothing but the speedometer as it eventually slows to a halt. We then hear the familiar parking brake “rrrrkkkkk.”]]

[[Long, wide shot of Maine’s car and the police car pulled over on the shoulder. Maine stands in between them on the grass, patiently waiting. The police officer is back at his car, doing whatever it is police officers do when they leave you standing there like an idiot. He returns.]]

[[Medium shot of both Maine and the police officer.

.: Police Officer: This license is expired.

.: Maine: Oh, I gave you my old one.

Maine pulls out another license from his wallet and hands it to the officer.

.: Police Officer: You do know it’s illegal to carry two driver’s licenses in the same wallet?

.: Maine: No, I didn’t.

.: Police Officer: You were supposed to turn this one in when you got your new one. I’ll go ahead and take it for you. Now, about your car; this is a citation for driving at unsafe speeds. If you’ll sign here, please. This is not an admission of guilt but a recognition of the charges being brought forth to you today. Also, you’re not supposed to drive more than 55 miles per hour on a spare tire.

.: Maine: Yes sir.

The police officer walks away and Maine looks down at his feet.]]

[[Currently crawling all over his feet and lower legs are dozens, if not hundreds, of those evil blood-sucking micro-beasts from hell: fire ants.]]

[[Maine’s focused in the foreground of the shot as the police officer walks towards his car. He’s bent over as he slaps his feet, trying desperately to kill the little bastards. The camera focuses on the police officer as he looks back at Maine, confused. Oingo Boingo’s “Not My Slave” fades in again, this time at a different part of the song.]]


[[Wide pan of Maine’s car driving down the interstate, being passed by several cars.]]

[[CLOSE-UP of speedometer and odometer: “55 mph” and “380.3 miles,” respectively.]]

[[Frontal shot of Maine, reaching down to scratch his feet.]]

[[Another wide pan of Maine’s car driving down the interstate, with the camera fixing on a sign that reads, “Dallas – 199 miles.” (Or any city will do, really.) Sounds of the car not starting begin now as we cut to…]]

[[Medium side shot of Maine’s car, pulled over on the shoulder. Maine tries to start the car, but to no avail.]]

[[CLOSE-UP of gas gauge: “E.”]]

[[Same side shot of Maine in his car, banging at the wheel, then finally giving up. He removes the key from the ignition and all the lights go dead. Everything’s dark now.]]

[[Long side shot of Maine in his car, opening his door right as an 18 wheeler comes barreling in from behind, ripping the door clean off its hinges.]]

[[Rear shot of the 18 wheeler launching the door from its grill off to the side of the road.]]

[[Return to the long shot of Maine, too stunned to move, in his slightly wobbly car.]]

[[Rear shot of the 18 wheeler way off in the background, the detached door resting atop shattered window bits in the foreground.]]

[[Rear shot of Maine’s car from the back left. Maine partially exits the vehicle to get a better view of the mangled door, and then returns back into his seat. He reaches for his cell phone and dials.]]


[[Maine’s father sits in front of a computer, wearing nothing but a robe. Sounds of ghouls and goblins and other cheesy fantasy elements emanate from the speakers. The phone rings, he answers it.

.: Father: Hello?

.: Maine: (off screen) Hi, dad?

.: Father: What’s up, son?]]

[[Maine’s standing over the door on the shoulder.

.: Maine: (panicked) I have a problem.

.: Father: (off screen) What’s that?

.: Maine: My car’s out of gas, and it’s missing a door.]]

[[Maine’s father is half-heartedly listening to the phone and more-heartedly paying attention to the LVL 2-Class Demon Spellbinder that’s killing his character on the computer.

.: Father: Is there a Chevron around? I paid the bill so the card should work.

.: Maine: (off screen) Dad, an 18 wheeler just crashed into my car and drove off.

.: Father: What? Why?!

.: Maine: (off screen and angered) I don’t know! He didn’t stop to tell me!

.: Father: Okay, listen to me—

We hear a click as the phone call ends. Maine’s father looks confused for a second, then hangs up the phone and returns his attention to the game.

.: Father: (calm) Damnit, I died.]]

[[CLOSE-UP of Maine’s cell phone: “Out of batteries.”]]

[[Medium shot of Maine standing by the door on the ground. Exasperated, he hurls the cell phone off the side of the road. He turns around too quickly and catches his foot on the door, sending him face-first to the safety-glass-coated ground.]]

[[Worm’s eye view of Maine, on the ground, with little chunks of glass embedded in his slightly bloody hands and cheek. Maine turns his head and sees in the background a looming sign that reads, “Gas, 5 miles.”]]

[[Long side shot of the door, Maine, and his car all in the frame. Maine gets up, studies the sign a bit more, and starts running to the gas station.]]

[[Long rear shot of Maine running towards the horizon.]]


[[Maine approaches the door from the outside, his torso blocked from the sign on the door that reads (from our point of view inside the store) “Yes, we’re OPEN.”

.: Cashier: Sorry, we’re closed.

.: Maine: You don’t understand, it’s an emergency.

.: Cashier: It’s past 12:00, I’ve already shut the pumps off.

.: Maine: I had to walk here! My car’s five miles away, and I’ve run out of gas.

.: Cashier: That is an emergency. We’re still closed.

.: Maine: I’ve got $75 dollars on me. It’s yours.

.: Cashier: If it’s mine then why’s it on you? (laughs)

.: Maine: I’ve got to get to Dallas by tonight. You don’t know what I’ve been through. An 18 wheeler took the door off my car.

.: Cashier: (surprised) That was you?

.: Maine: Yes it was me. Wait, did he stop by here?

.: Cashier: No I’m just joking with you; I don’t really care.

The Cashier unlocks the door and lets Maine in.

.: Cashier: You’ll need a canister over there.]]

[[Maine approaches the counter with the canister.

.: Cashier: How much do you want?

.: Maine: Just a gallon; that’s enough to get me here again.

.: Cashier: Okay, gallon with the jug, total will be $9.83.]]

[[CLOSE-UP of Maine’s butt as he reaches for his wallet which-surprise!-isn’t there.]]

[[CLOSE-UP of Maine’s face.

.: Maine: Oh no.]]

[[The camera pulls away from Maine, out the store, all the way down the highway, and into Maine’s car were we see his wallet safe and secure on top of his speeding ticket in the passenger seat. All this, of course, is shown in an instant.]]


[[Frontal shot of the cashier driving and Maine idly staring out the windshield.

.: Cashier: You know the only reason I’m doing this is to see what happened to the door.

.: Maine: Oh.]]

[[Long side shot of the Cashier’s truck driving off screen, turning around, and pulling up right behind Maine’s car. The Cashier gets out of his truck—still running—and surveys the damage.

.: Cashier: Nice…

Maine removes the canister of gasoline from the truck bed and pours it in his car. The Cashier returns to his truck and drives off. Maine gets into his car, starts it up, and drives off screen. He turns off the rest of Oingo Boingo’s “Not My Slave,” preferring at this point the comfort of silence.]]

[[Bird’s eye rear shot of Maine stopping his car, getting out, picking up the detached door, and placing it in the back seat. As he returns to the driver’s seat, the camera tilts up to reveal the thunderstorm off in the distance. Maine drives away.]]


[[Knocking’s heard. Diane gets out of bed, turns on the lights, and opens the door. She’s greeted by Maine, soaking wet on just his left side.

.: Maine: Hi.]]

About The Author


9 Responses to “Hi.”

  1. Julia says:

    I found it very Clerks-esque.

  2. Zane says:

    Pretty damned harsh, if you asked me.

  3. Christina says:

    I dunno, Cody. Without the character development of a full-length film, I find it hard to care much about what happens to this Maine figure. Perhaps I am a cold, heartless bitch, but so is the rest of the world. I like the camera work, though. If anything, it would/will be visually appealing.

  4. Cody says:

    It’s just a scene from a larger film. Goofy fun, is all it is.

  5. Christina says:

    I understand that. I can read, Cody, unlike some of us here. I just don’t think you should go so far to say that this scene can stand alone. Filmed and viewed alone? Sure. It’s good practice.

  6. G-Fry says:

    I like how your main character’s name is always Maine. Especially when he goes through hell. That makes me smile a bit.

    Plus, it was funny. Another good’un.

  7. Dallas says:


  8. chuck says:

    nice ending!

  9. Levi Aho says:

    The best part is when his father says “Damnit, I died.” :)